March 7, 2017
January of 2017 was all about my rebirth as a woman. And even though I haven’t intended for that originally, well, sometimes Life does its planning on behalf of us. Long story short, December marked the end of my 7-year relationship.
And even though, one day I might put all the thoughts into writing about a both sided decision to end this chapter, for now, I would like to say only a few things to set things right. First, it’s nobody’s fault, we simply overgrew each other in extremely different directions, so setting back one another didn’t seem the right thing to do. Also, since both of us have experienced parents divorce after decades of their marriages, we felt that we would rather take this complicated step sooner than later. Yes, I know. Who could have thought, right? These days, I often get to break the news to more distant friends and every single time I see the shock, tears, fears and sometimes even insecurities about their own relationships. You see, since we were high-school sweethearts, everyone was looking up to our relationship and thinking that it’s the perfect one, because we have lasted through hell. Well, sometimes being great friends is just not enough, things keep piling up and one day you have a truly honest conversation about where you see yourself in the future and that’s when you realize that there is absolutely no way to fit both individual futures into that one vision. As cliché as our final chapter sounds, we had this kind of conversation just before Christmas. And even though I don’t think I have been more lost, confused, sad or emotional at that time than ever before, quickly things started to fall into its places. That’s when I knew, it was the right decision and it was the time to focus on finding myself as an individual and more importantly as a woman again. And here is how January’s mission began – femininity.
WHAT IS FEMININITY?
To me, femininity always had a lot to do with being true to myself. Unfortunately, the world we live in today is not the one that encourages us to be our true selves. But the good news is that I can see so many more women becoming brave enough to speak openly about sensitive feminine topics, to explore and discover the uniqueness of femininity. So it’s definitely getting easier, ladies! The recent break up made me thinking a lot about how I’ve been suppressing my own femininity. For the last 7 years, I was giving a huge part of myself to the relationship I’ve been in. But somewhere along the way I simply lost myself while trying to be there for someone else. So the first step was to clearly understand who am I as a woman and an individual. So I started listening more to my inner callings and very interesting things began to happen. My femininity instantly started coming out of its hiding place. Suddenly, little things that I simply felt like doing lit inspiration, confidence, not giving a f*ck. It also woke amazingly accurate intuition that kept bringing great things and people in my life. The adventure of listening to my nature began and to be honest, I would wish this to any woman out there, especially if you’re in a relationship – dig into your own femininity and get to understand what it means to you.
Breathing hand in hand with your inner self will make everything around you blossom. Some days I honestly think that we woman have some extremely powerful magic on our fingertips. And those, who have experienced its presence, know what I’m talking about.
WHERE TO START?
1. READING “WOMEN WHO RUN WITH THE WOLVES” BY CLARISSA PINKOLA ESTÉS
This book is meant for every feminine soul, but you have to make sure you’re ready for it. It’s definitely not for the ones used to “10 ways to get your femininity back” or “5 easy steps to becoming a real woman” (you know what I’m talking about). It’s for those, who read a chapter and then think about it for another day. It’s meant for women, who are lost, deeply hurt or experiencing inner pains. It will help you identify everything that might be suppressing your feminine magic, so going forward every step you take is intact with what you’re wild inner woman is asking for. Definitely worth the time!
I did two things the day I broke up: brought a way oversized Christmas tree home, managed to set it up all by myself and then I read the first chapter of this book. That night I slept like a baby. I knew then that everything was going to be ok.
2. WHAT DO YOU WANT, WOMAN?
Being able to hear your inner callings is easier said than done and eventually you might end up taking some alone time from everyone in order to start feeling like yourself again. Me, being me, of course, I wrote a letter to the closest friends. Without going into too much detail, I simply let everyone know the decision we made and how everything will change going forward, but I also did another thing to make sure I get the time I need. I asked everyone not to worry, let me figure out what’s next and once I’m ready I promised to get in touch, so we could meet in person.
This one simple request allowed me to get into my zone, it separated me from the outside for a bit, so I could get my thoughts straight. During this time, my feelings got much sharper and finally I started noticing what was it that I really wanted. So I took it slowly – one day and one wish at a time. I started a new notebook by filling in every silly little thing that I wanted to experience, learn or get to know. It’s funny how a simple thing like this can make you feel the ground under your feet again, it gave me many purposes to keep going, but this time it wasn’t for someone else, it was purely for my good only. This is what lead me to packing a backpack, driving 300km to the sea and spending there two days. You might think that going after what you want like this would be fun, and eventually, it is, but at first it’s extremely uncomfortable. The first day was so stormy and surprisingly it represented what was going on inside while I was watching those waves dashing into Nida’s sea coast. But with every gust of wind and every wave, I felt more and more like I was making peace with this stormy period I was experiencing. Next day I woke up to the new world, inside and out. I watched the sunrise, took the ferry, watched the kind of fog that I haven’t seen in a very long time, and sat at the sunniest beach ever with not even one cloud or wind gust. It felt as if I was “Home“, finally. That day marked the start of a very special period of life. The period that’s all about going back “Home”. And believe it or not, on this same day I also got to know the man, who later on was meant to put together the broken pieces.
Oh, Life, you’re so funny and mesmerizing ? I’ve been silent for a while and I’m sure many of you are wondering what’s going on. Well, to be honest, it has a lot to do with some major changes. As much as I would like to bring everything into open, there are some things in life that you need to soak in so deeply before it feels right to be brought into the daylight. At first, this change made me feel scared to my bones and there were quite a few low moments full of tears and questions too difficult to answer. But eventually, life shows you that it’s ok, you just have to trust in its magical ability to make everything work for the best. Currently, it’s all about listening to what my inner voice is asking for and going for it without questions. The beauty of it is that this same voice has led me to so many wonderful people and experiences already that I feel thankful even for the rough weeks I had at first. In the picture, there is one of the moments when I felt completely at peace with myself. I hope that very soon I will feel like telling so much more, but for now, I will take one very happy day at a time. Thank you for sticking around everyone! ❤️
3. CREATING YOUR “CHEERLEADING TEAM”
Once I’ve grasped what is it that feels like “Home“, then started the struggle of trying to keep that. So intuitively I started building my “cheerleading team” that worked as a support system to keep me listening to those feminine callings.
I created a Pinterest board dedicated to femininity, which includes short pieces of text and visuals that trigger memories, thoughts and feelings associated to what I want as a woman. I use this visualization some days to put the right thoughts into the universe, and other days I open it to simply get in the right mood. Feel free to use it if you need that boost sometimes as well.
The feminine energy that other women hold is another thing that constantly keeps me in the right mindset. With a few friends we started our “secret club” which has a lot to do with femininity. I also surrounded myself with like-minded girlfriends who encourage, help me stay positive, share their wisdom, and in general stick together instead of competing. I can not express to you how important it is. If you choose girlfriends around you thoughtfully, it will become one of the most powerful support you will ever have in your life as a woman.
This has also been the time I’m seeing my family and closest friends the most. There is even no need to go into deep conversations, simply being around those who you care about you helps to heal and to keep that positive attitude. In January I finally graduated from the university as well, so having all the family together there meant a world to me.
I intentionally became more curious about everything femininity related and not only. As a result, I put myself into situations I wasn’t feeling entirely comfortable with, asked myself honest questions and tried to come up with even more honest answers. It had a lot to do with conquering my fears and widening my horizons, but it had even more to do with staying open minded about whatever life brings to me these days. It helped me to keep the negativity away. I also happened to discover OMGyes (note: be careful opening the link, this content is not exactly meant for public surroundings). This website is based on 2000 women research. Every woman who wants to explore her physical side and to enhance sexual senses must check that out, it’s absolutely worth it, you can thank me later haha.
Create your own feminine rituals! Having some kind of consistency and system in place will help you stay organized. And even though it might seem not the thing that could bring your femininity to the surface, it makes you plan everything around your feminine rituals and not the other way around.
Even though this post is about January, at the time I’m writing these last sentences, it’s the beginning of March, so in a way, I can actually tell you the future! I’m hoping to share such quick overview of each month, but not to spoil the next coming posts, and to still give you a hint of what’s coming next, I can tell you this – I can hardly remember the last time I felt so happy and as if I’m walking “Home”. And that’s the best sign that I’m on the right track.